Fat Dog

Fat Dog
She ain't fat, she fluffy

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Girls Weekend and the Homemade Stripper Pole

Well hubs is going away for a long weekend to visit his parents in Nevada. What does that mean??? Girls Weekend!!!! I am planning a girls brunch. We will sit ouside on the patio, talk for hours on end, eat great food and drink way too many Mojito's. Last time we did this we ended up hemming my kitchen curtains (they are just a bit crooked), and dancing on my stripper pole in my backyard. Well it is not really a stripper pole, it is a pole in a metal umbrella stand. My hubs made it for me, after I convinced him that it would be good exercise. And I think he thought it might be just a little bit sexy also. Please remind me that a 50 something chubby woman should never, I repeat NEVER, try to swing her big booty upside down on a stripper pole that is not permanently mounted. It did help that I had just consumed a fair amount of Mojito's. The first thing my girl friends said when I called to invite them was "you're not going to hurt yourself on the pole again are you?" Some people are just party poopers. I have been practicing my moves:)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Chinese Food and yes I was wearing underwear

Saturday hubs and daughter and I drove out to Banning to visit my parents and my aunt. My parents are in their 80’s and just a bit quirky. My dad calls everyone Little Girl and my mom is constantly trying to feed everyone. We were taking them out to lunch in honor of my mothers birthday, which was earlier this month. My parents are professional eaters. Really, they are. They live to eat, rather than eat to live. I am basically the same way. What can I say, they raised me. I plan meals days and even weeks in advance. My husband still has not gotten used to this. His family barely remembers to eat. He is always telling me, chill it is not your last meal. How do you know it is not my last meal? And if it is, I want to make sure I am eating something I really really like. Wow, now you know why I am Fat Mom and why I have Fat Dog. Genes are very strong in my family. The other thing that my parents do very very well is saying hideously embarrassing things. Very loudly. My family, especially my mother is obsessed with underwear. This is very creepy. When someone passes away in our family, they give away their clothes. Not to goodwill, but to each other. In particular underwear. I know, that is very wrong. But they are from the era, that nothing should be wasted and underwear costs money, dang it!!! I am the proud recipient of my grandmothers and great aunts underwear. When my mother gave them to me, I told her I had plenty of underwear. I had just been to Wallyworld to stock up. She kept insisting. Finally I told her that I did not wear underwear anymore, that I was going camo. She flipped out and talked about it to everyone for days, months, even years. I figured she had finally forgotten about it. NO she did not. As we arrived at the Chinese Buffet, my Aunt started telling my mom that their cousin was not doing well and that she might not be long for this world. She asked my mom who was next in line to receive underwear. My mom immediately gave me a dirty look and said, well don’t give her underwear to Beverly because she doesn’t wear underwear anymore. Mind you, this was while we were standing in a very long line waiting to be seated. Now everyone knows our weird family secret and that I don’t wear underwear. But I do, I swear I do. They were pink granny pants and they had the cutest polka dots on them. At least the chinese food was good:)